The inception story of BetterMan roughly starts about five years ago.
Although we’re coming up two years as a registered charity, the backstory begins with a book.
And what a book it is.
It’s called The Resilience Project: Finding Happiness through Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness.
Penned by Hugh van Cuylenburg, the founder of The Resilience Project, the book has changed my life for the better. As I imagine it has for so many others including Todd who recommended it to me, and I know Ged our other BetterMan co-founder raves about it too.
It tells the story of Hugh, who after seeing his sister struggle with an eating disorder in her teens, decided he wanted to help young girls who find themselves in a similar situation. So he becomes a teacher at an all girls secondary school.
It is during this time that he takes a trip to Northern India. Initially planning on a short stay, he is so taken by the kindness and happiness of the village that he extends his trip to teach for a few months.
He is particularly fond of a young boy named Stanzen, who despite not having much in the way of material possessions is so grateful for what he does have. Anything he is grateful for he is so proud to show Hugh and points saying “dis” (his form of “this”), including a small rusted playground and simply the shoes on his feet.
Upon returning to Australia, Hugh uncovers that Western society has an “if-then” model firmly entrenched. If I get a new car, then I’ll be happy. We are so motivated by external motivators, a stark contrast to what he experienced in India where they practised meditation daily to be thankful for what they have and to be more resilient.
So Hugh got to work looking at the science behind why the village in India were so happy and uncovered the field of positive psychology. He eventually distilled his learnings down to three concepts that he wanted to share with people in Australia. His acronym GEM for gratitude, empathy and mindfulness would become the cornerstone of his new business The Resilience Project.
So he eased back on the teaching and began to try and ramp up talks on the subject. After a relatively mediocre hit rate, Hugh was on the bones of his arse, barely getting by and considering packing it all in.
But then one day it all turned around. He nailed a presentation to 46 school principles and 45 of them booked Hugh in. He was away. (Not sure what the only principle that didn’t book him was thinking 🤣)
As the saying goes success begets success, and at one of Hugh’s presentations an exec from the Melbourne Storm was in attendance. He decided that his players needed to hear the message. Within no time all of the NRL teams, AFL teams, Australian cricket team and more had Hugh presenting.
It is at this stage that he realised he needed another speaker and reached out to Martin Heppell, a former AFL player and school teacher himself. It was a wise decision. Martin is a force of nature. He has the energy of 10 men and has his own unique story that includes growing up with a headhunting tribe in Borneo as his father is an anthropologist.
In order to spread their message further Hugh wrote the book mentioned earlier. After reading it and being inspired Todd not only recommended it to me, but also reached out to Hugh, sending him a signed Blackcaps top as a thank you for simply doing the work he is doing and the positive impact he has had on our lives.
Hugh was chuffed, and is a closet Blackcaps fan. Admitting he, as a left arm bowler himself, has a huge mancrush on Trent Boult. The shirt has pride of place on his wall at home.
So when Hugh came to speak in Christchurch a few years back we reached out to see if he wanted to catch up. After seeing him perform live, which was outstanding, we met up for coffee the following morning.
Was so good to hear some behind the scenes stories including his work with the Queensland State of Origin team who Todd and I are massive fans of. Some anonymous good bugger even bought him breakfast and I had more good yarns about his podcast (that can be a story for another day) as I drove him to the airport.
And this is where the clickbait bit comes in. The following day I received this message from Todd:
I was hooked.
So I called and Todd recounted the following story…
He was at his local gym “Culture Fitness Halswell”, (shout out Ricki Jones), about to do a group session. The instructor asked everyone to make their guest welcome who was just joining for the day. “Please say hi to Martin everyone”.
Martin thanked the instructor, and it is at this stage that Todd thought “shit, I know that voice”. It then clicks where he has heard him before. On Hugh’s podcast The Imperfects. He’s 99% sure it is Martin Heppell, affectionately known as Rac.
Todd wanders over and says, “by any chance are you known as Rac?”
Martin, bewildered, says “Yeah mate, how the bloody hell did you know that?”
Over the next hour, as they work out together, Todd recounts the whole backstory of reading the book, sending the shirt, seeing Hugh’s show and catching up for coffee.
He then finished with asking Rac “So I presume you’re hear with Hugh?”
To which Rac replied “Mate, I didn’t even know Hugh was over here!”
“I’m over here for my brother in law’s wedding…”
Both stunned they couldn’t believe the odds of such a chance meeting occurring.
The following day Todd, Rac and I took our kids to a local park and yarned for ages. So interesting to hear about his time in Borneo, his work at The Resilience Project and he was so generous in suggesting that if we were ever over in Melbourne that we should come and say hi and see what he does.
I've never been one to believe in fate, but the serendipitous nature of meeting both of the main men from The Resilience Project in the space of a couple of days felt like it had to be a sign to start something. Not long later BetterMan was born and has gone from strength to strength since.
This last week, as I found myself in Melbourne to watch the Grand Prix I took up Rac’s offer and reached out.
It didn’t disappoint. My mate Jeremy and I went to see Rac present at Melbourne University to the vet school - a field with rather dire mental health stats. Over 90 minutes he kept the crowd engaged with his high-intensity, fast-paced but simple to follow concepts. There'll no doubt be people in that room that'll thrive going forward because of Martin and his message. He's such a good operator. And an even better bloke.
Afterwards, over Vietnamese food, he was super keen to get to know Jeremy, hear about how we’ve been going including the work we’re doing with BetterMan.
After spending time with Rac you feel like you could run through a brick wall he pumps your tires up so much. His support and encouragement of the work we’re doing with BetterMan makes me feel inspired to help more and more people. Here's hoping we can have even a fraction of the success that he, Hugh and The Resilience Project team have had in making people's lives better.
